My Littlest man...

Meet my littlest man... He's already 3months old. But Nathanael Paul Ciske was born September 19th! His birth was the best one yet! I was so nervous since I had to be put under and wasn't awake for Ruby's birth, I had been praying for 9 mo that this birth would go smoother. The spinal man had that spinal in in under 10 min! I was so happy! I made sure to listen to everything, to praise God a LOT, and to soak it all in! It was marvelous.
Nate is my one and only child that nurses. He takes bottles, but is a great nurser as well. I finally can say I've nursed at least one baby! And honestly, I love it one day, hate it another... but I love it more than I hate it, cuz I'm still doing it!
He is now cooing and smiling and laughing and I love it! He's very happy and for the most part an easy baby. He has his fussy moments at night.. but he's the 4th, he's the last, he can get away with all those things!
I could go on and on, and I wish I would have been keeping up with the blog, but I must confess, going from 3-4 kids has been a bit harder than I expected. So finding time to get on to blog is hard... but stay tuned (if anyone was ever really "tuned in") come January, I plan to blog every day... more on that later!

"I'm not done with you yet"

I'm not always sure why God calls people to certain tasks, occupations, or seasons in life. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I was called to be a mommy. I felt it early in life. I wanted to just be a wife and mom. When Dave and I got married it was one of the main things we focused on. Living so that I could some day follow this calling and be a stay at home mom. We've made it a priority, sacrificed the "added" things, done without what others would think are "must haves" and we've made it work... because God has helped equip me for this calling.
In the last few years God has added to this calling and I felt very strongly that He wanted me to homeschool. I have my reasons for believing this, and that is for another blog entry. Just know that I feel the decision to homeschool my kids came out of much prayer... many sleepless nights of prayer, and an answered prayer.
I feel called. Some are called to be doctors, some are called to be pastors, some are called to be counsellors... I was called to be a homeschooler.
That being said, there are days, like today, that I stop and ask God, "Are you sure? I'm not being very patient... I'm not teaching the way they understand. I'm not organized today... wouldn't they be better off in the school up the street, I can walk them there RIGHT NOW!"
Because we are currently struggling (with TWO in school, teaching and giving proper attention to each one of their needs, excelling where need be, slowing down in other areas... PLUS having Ruby run wild unsupervised... maybe struggling isn't the word!). I decided I needed more time. I can't wake up after the kids, take my time with breakfast, drag my feet cleaning up, and eventually start school. I need more "God" time. So I've been getting up earlier. Even if its 15min before the kids. I need to talk to God.
So this morning, with a clean, all sleeping  house, I rise. I spend 45 min in Bible study and prayer. I pray over each member asleep in my home. I covered the school day, the routine, the lessons... I was good to go!
Then school started. Ruby got into her highchair and played with beans. She poured from one container to another, had spoons to dish beans out... ate one or two (yuck, they aren't cooked!) and had her snack in her chair. I got all of Math, and language arts out of the way. It was the perfect example of the perfect homeschool situation.
Ruby got down, Lily transitioned to activity time, and Zech moved on to Science. Then I am pretty sure God stripped the calling to homeschool away... What? You don't believe me? There's no way after what happened within the next hour, that God was still calling ME to homeschool. Zech whined about every single little word he had to read or write. He answered "I don't know" to every question, even when I threw in "What is your name?" I grew more impatient with every whine and stomp of the foot.
Ruby was too quiet so I go check on her to find her with the toilet bowl brush (get ready to gag...) IN HER MOUTH! She had obviously been cleaning the toilets, the floor was wet, she was wet, and well... I was GAGGING! I hand sanitized her entire body! Punished her, cleaned the floors, scrubbed her mouth, and tried to go on to art.
Lily didn't want to clean up activities, but wanted to do art. I told her to make a decision (art isn't worth the fight for me... she was doing other educational things, but the mess needs to be contained... one project at a time!) She threw such a massive fit I had to send her to her room. Where I started Art with Zech. He listened to the lesson, but again answered every question with "I don't know". Growing even MORE impatient, I let my frustrations show... a tad too much! I stopped teaching and told him his assignment. To which both Zech and the now recovered Lily proceeded to pretend to listen only to do their own thing when they got their papers.
After a quick reprimand, and lecture of listening and obeying, following the directions. I went back to the unfinished science. Lily moved on to silent reading... and you probably would never guess that Ruby went BACK to cleaning the toilet AGAIN. This time dragging the brush (that I put up on the counter, in the bathroom where I SHUT The door before) all around the house... with toilet water dripping from it! (praise God that I cleaned that toilet late last night... not that it means its completely sanitary, but its better than a couple days worth of... well you know!) Between that, and Zech's complaint of every word he had to write, read, or think... I was done. I don't want to homeschool. Its not working for us! I'm frustrated. The house is destroyed, the kids are unhappy...
God, WHY did you call me to this life? I suck royally at it!
But you know that in all things I work for the good of those who love me, who have been called according to MY purpose.
Yeah, but, God... do you see the mess I'm making here. Are they learning when there is so much crying, and interruptions, and from a teacher who is about to scream? I'm not good enough for them.
be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

The days may not go perfect, but this is my calling. I'm not perfect, the one who called me is. I press on to win the prize. This prize may not be given anytime soon (although getting things more "together" would be nice before Nate arrives!). But my blessings come from listening and obeying God's word. He's called me, I will obey. So the homeschool journey continues. I do love it so! Just when I feel I'm going to sink, God throws out His lifeline... no, let me rephrase that... Just when I feel I'm going to sink, God points out the lifeline he's already given me when he called me! I just need to not look down, keep pressing on.
Today's reminder came when I cuddled up with Ruby (who got in so much trouble today for being a 20 month old unsupervised) to read her a story I just happened to grab from the messy bookshelf...

Let me quote an entire book... Not sure if its legal, but I just must... Hermie, A common Caterpillar by Max Lucado
Hermie was a common caterpillar. He didn't have stripes, and he didn't have spots. He ate common leaves and squirmed through common grass. Hermie was just a common caterpillar.

But Hermie did one thing that was not common. He talked to God. Hermie and his friend, Wormie would ask God, "Why did you make us so common?"
 God would answer, "I love you, Hermie and Wormie. But I'm not finished with you yet. I'm giving you a heart like Mine." So they felt better, until they met an ant carrying a big pine cone.

"WOW!" Wormie said. "How do you carry such a heavy load?" "God made me strong," replied the ant.
Hermie and Wormie felt sad. They asked God, "Why can't we be strong like the ant?"
God's answer was kind. "I love you just the way you are. But I'm not finished with you yet."

So they felt better, until one rainy day when they saw a snail.
"You need a house like I have," The snail said. "Its dry in here."
Hermie and Wormie wondered why God hadn't given them a cozy house like the snail's. God reminded them, "Be patient, Hermie and Wormie. I am not finished with you yet."

That made Hermie and Wormie feel much better... until they saw the ladybug.
"You have such pretty spots!" Said Hermie.
"Beautiful!" Wormie agreed.
"You are very kind," the shy ladybug replied. "But this is the way God made me."

That night Hermie prayed. "we're sorry, God, but we don't understand why you made us so..."
"Common?" God said, "Don't worry. I 'm not finished with you yet. I'm giving you a heart like Mine."
Hermie turned to his friend and yawned. "I'm feeling very, very sleepy."
"Then let's make you a soft, comfy bed," Wormie suggested.

As Hermie drifted off to sleep in his soft bed, he thought about what God had said, and he prayed: "You know, god, its okay that I'm a common caterpillar. You love me, and that makes me special."

That night Hermie had a funny dream. He dreamed he was special like the ant, the snail, and the ladybug.

When Hermie woke up, it was dark. he was covered from head to toe. What had happened to his bed? As he squirmed to get out it began to fall and crack open. But-- wait-- he felt a tickle on his back...

Suddenly, soft wings fluttered open! With hardly any effort, Hermie began to fly. Up and Up, higher and higher, he soared over the trees.
As Hermie flapped his new wings, he began to understand what God had been telling him. He wasn't like the ant... or the snail... or the ladybug. He was Hermie-- a beautiful butterfly with a beautiful heart.
Hermie had to tell Wormie the good news.

"Look, Wormie!" Hermie called out.
"WOW! Is that really you, Hermie?"
"Yes, its me! God wasn't finished with me, Wormie. And he is not finished with you, either!"
Wormie's smile grew bigger and bigger. Now he understood, too.

You can get this book at www.hermieandfriends.com

He's not finished with me yet! My kids will learn. I will will get it all together... someday! And through it all, not only do I get the benefits of watching my kids survice this journey, but I get a heart like HIS! Let it be, Lord, Let it be!

What if...

Last year I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to teach Zech how to read. He knew his letter sounds and how to piece a few sounds together, but wasn't reading at all. I was terrified. I read everything I could on "HOW" to teach reading. Then I took a deep breath and did the A Beka curriculum. He caught on quickly and excelled! Today, a year later, he is insulted when I give him books "under" his reading level. I am constantly pulling out books, looking up their reading levels and giving him 1 book that is easy, or under his reading level, one that is right about a 2nd grade reading level, and then one challenging book. These are usually end of 2nd grade or beginning 3rd grade levels and are MUCH longer. He can read flawlessly until about 10 min into the book, then wants to quit. So although the words may not be a challenge, the reading required to finish the book is.

What if I decided that because he is such a great reader I would just stop teaching him anymore phonics, told him he didn't need books, and never mentioned him reading again. Although he may be happy about this, I am thinking that by 4th grade, he'd be WAY behind. By Jr. High, he'd be failing all other subjects that require reading. By Highschool, he'd give up all together and probably drop out. The emotional toll of being illiterate would overcome him and he'd be a High School drop out. That can't read, so he can't get a job, and he'd be living in my house... FOREVER... not much fun!

Now, what if you went to church one day, was taught about the wonderful things Christ did for you (Came from a cozy seat next to God, the father, to be a human, with human limitations, was mocked, ignored, then eventually beaten and hung on a cross for doing nothing at all to do die for YOUR sins and offer you eternal life with him in heaven!). You learn about this man, you accept it. You excel in "knowledge". But then assume you know all you need to know and leave it at that.
You no longer pick up The Book to read. You no longer attend church to learn. You no longer even talk about the man that did those wonderful things for you so long ago. Where would you be? An illiterate Christian. You'd be WAY behind. And eventually drop out!

If you stopped reading at age 6, never to read again, would you even be considered a "reader" 10 years later? You may have some reading knowledge, but you definitely would be lacking. Imagine all you'd miss out on. The blessings of the way a book can spark your imagination. The blessings of getting and keeping a job. The blessing of reading the world around you.

If you stopped growing as a Christian within a year of your salvation, never to go back and act out a life of this Christianity, would you even be considered a "Christian" years later? You may have some "christian" knowledge, but you definitely would be lacking. Imagine all you'd miss out on. The blessing of the way The Book (the Bible) enhances your life, sparking a spiritual renewal on a regular basis. The blessings of hearing God's calling in your life, and living out those divine appointments. The blessing of living in a world around you  with God as your tour guide. 

Once Zech tasted and saw how freeing reading was, he became eager to keep reading. He wants to know more, to grow in his vocabulary, to understand more and more. He loves the freedom he has to order off his own menu, read road signs as we travel, pick any book he is interested in and learn from it... all because he didn't stop just because he learned the basics of reading. He continues to grow. Fostering this skill every day through reading, learning, and listening.

Once we've tasted and seen that the Lord is good, we should be eager to keep learning. We need to want to know  more, to grow in His love, to understand more and more. We have freedom to know what God would have for our life, because we've learned how to live in His presence. We gain interest as He opens new doors and shines a fresh light on parts of our lives. We can't just get saved... we need to continue to grow! Fostering this relationship with Christ through reading, learning and listening.

You would never have stopped reading just because you knew all the letter sounds... don't stop with your salvation just because you learned what he did for you. There is SO much more. Imagine a life without being able to read... Life without Christ is WORSE than that, You can't even imagine the difference this relationship can make. Love him more today than you did yesterday... more tomorrow than you do today!

Our first day of school

Today was the day. We moved up our start date a few week. The kids were getting anxious, and I need something to occupy my mind as I wait for Nate to arrive.

My kids are homeschooled. They live about 5 blocks from a brick and mortar school. They see school buses pass on a regular basis. All the neighborhood kids go to the school up the street. They have a small desire to join those kids (Lily more than Zech). So although I understand their desire, I have explained to them that this is Daddy and My decision. I do however give them things that they believe makes "GOING" to school so cool. Backpacks is one of them. No, homeschoolers do not need backpacks. They don't take their work anywhere, they don't bring back notes from their teachers, or carry books around. But its a simple request made by homeschool kids that this momma can fulfill. So they got backpacks... and an added little fun treat from momma as well.

Another thing my kids love is to have their lunches packed. They really enjoy eating out of tupperware and lunch boxes instead of plates. And by packing a lunch the night before or as I make breakfast it really does make the day go by more smoothly. Ruby especially loved her lunch box (that we got free!) and the idea of pulling food out of it to eat... wherever she wanted (well, at one of the three tables we have, or on the kitchen floor).

And one of the MAJOR things each kid as desired was to ride the bus to school. Funny thing is, that even if they were to attend the public school up the street, they would be walking. The bus won't pick kids up that live blocks away. So once that notion was out of their mind, they are happy to be homeschooled. To only have to go half days, to still go on outings, and to be together. They love it... BUT, I did let them "walk" to school today. They sported their backpacks out the back door, around to the front and circled the church parking lot, then walked in the front door as Kindergartener and 1st grader.

Lily is my 2nd entering Kindergarten. It was a hard decision to make. She could have waited until next year. But she is so smart. And catches on to whatever I am teaching Zech. It seemed silly to hold her back just because of a few months of her age. We did decide that she will attend all classes outside of school as a 4 year old. But there was no need to hold her back academically. Our biggest concern was where she would place if ever she were to go to public school. But after Dave and I prayed about it, we realized that was not our goal, nor was it something we felt God calling us to. So we decided to take that off the table. We're committed to homeschooling for the long haul. And one of the many perks is that we can meet each child where they are academically regardless of age or "grade". So, there she is. My KINDERGARTENER! (if she wasn't so obsessed with the title, I wouldn't give any of my kids grades, I'd just teach as they learned... but that's one of the compromises I'm willing to make for them!)

Once the kids came inside, we started our day. We did circle time first. This was their favorite thing last year, but this year they wanted to rush through it and get right to the "Work" part. Who would have thought these kids LIKE worksheets and seat work! Forget hands on learning... they wanted to get their new school supplies (which most was not new, but reused from last year) and get to "work".

Ruby was ALL OVER THE PLACE!

She didn't like the attention the others were getting. She wanted to bang on pots and pans. When I took the pots away, she proceeded to hit her brother in the head with the spoon! She pulled Lily's hair to get her attention. She wrote on their papers if I gave her some "work" of her own... so tomorrow, she'll be buckled into her highchair. God gave me MANY opportunities to practice patience today. I hope she does better tomorrow.

All in all, the day went great. The house was still standing at the end. Zech ended up complaining at the end because he just wanted to be done (we only had 2.5 hours of school today!) and there was some crying with Lily and her handwriting lesson (those 'S' es can be tricky... too bad there's one in CISKE!) But I was happy to say I had much more patience with her than I did with Zech! (I also am taking into consideration that she is FOUR and still struggles with small motor skills, as opposed to Zech who was 5.5 when he started!).

Here are my "students" Adorable, aren't they?

Once school was over, and lunch had been devoured, I sent them all to nap and rest time and I crashed. I was exhausted. And I slept wonderfully! Now, to do it all over again tomorrow! I love this journey!

Just a tiny glimpse!

I am down to 6 weeks left of my pregnancy. For the most part, I am doing well. I have felt good, I've kept up (barely, but I've managed)... and now, I'm exhausted. I'm having back pain if I stand for too long, if I sit for too long, if I lay on the couch, if I don't roll over at night every 2 hours... its hurting. I'm tired, I feel heavy. Nate is big, and still moving around as if he has all the space in the world. I feel pressure, then I don't. I have contractions... just ONE shy of heading into the Labor and Delivery... I'm ready to be done. But I still have 6 weeks (well, technically, to my due date, I have 8 weeks, but we will safely deliver 2 weeks early).
There is a part of me when I am sitting with top notch pain in my back that wants to just be done. I want my water to just spontaneously break and be rushed in to be relieved... but that is a VERY small part of me, the over all majority of me, the part that knows how bad that first part would be knows that Nate is not ready. He may be measuring big. He may be flipping and dropping and causing momma to be restless, but he's not mature enough. he's too young. So knowing that its my comfort or his health, I would endure this pain for years more... for a life time if it meant he gets to be healthy!
And this made me realize that although my pain is not even close to the pain Jesus felt on that cross, it is a glimpse into the type of sacrifice Jesus made for us.
I would do anything for my children. I've had pain in pregnancy before. I've experienced pain even as I was getting a c-section (maybe not hours and hours of labor, but pretty intense pain when the spinal is not going well), but I did it again... and again... and plan on doing it yet AGAIN... its a sacrifice I make for my children. I've had babies sit on my sciatic nerve making it very hard to move without crying out in pain... but I didn't abort them for my comfort. I endured. Women will go through 48+ hours of hard labor to deliver their babies... then do it again a couple of years later. We make sacrifices (for the next 18 years)... like I said, nothing compared to being beaten and mocked and eventually hanging on a tree to die... but its a glimpse.
A glimpse given to us to understand the type of sacrifice Christ went through in order to give us life. The intense back pain he must have felt. Not just getting whipped, and torn apart by the type of whips used... but to then expose that bloody damaged back to a splintery rough tree for hours!
The excrusiating pain he felt each time he moved to catch a breath (and if you've had girls who like to plant themselves high in your rib cage you have a glimpse into how it is to gasp for your breath).
Its not the same. Not by a long shot... but we catch a small tiny glimpse into the love it takes for a person to endure such pain and discomfort. We are human, it is impossible to love the way God loves. But when we give birth to our beautiful children and we love them with all that is within us we never stop and think "You are not worth all that pain I went through!" NEVER. Some of us look down, then look up at our husbands and say "lets do it again!" (I literally did this last time... I WON'T be doing it this time... but the love is still the same!)
Jesus looks at us, even when we aren't those cute innocent babies and says "You were so worth it!" YOU WERE SO WORTH IT! The sacrifice he made to give us life was big. And he did it with you in mind.
I've shared my story about how I feel each one of my children had a place in our family even before I knew what order they'd come. I just could picture each one as part of my life. And each one has never disappointed me... Jesus saw you long before you saw him, and longed for you to be part of his family. He may not have endured 9mo on that cross, but the pain and agony he endured that day was a lifetime of our sins. And we were so worth it!
I thank God for the tiny tiny glimpse into what it takes to sacrifice. And I thank Him even more for enduring that sacrifice for me... and I'm no cute little baby!

Drop by... I dare you!

I'm an organized person... well, at least I WANT to be an organized person. I like routine, I love to plan, I adore lists! But as life has gone by, I find it harder and harder to get the clutter, the toys, the LIFE we live contained in the proper bins!
When not pregnant, when I have more energy, and mobility I have a better plan. I can get the house clean first thing in the morning and get on with our day... nowadays I find that when I wake up, I want to go lay on the couch for just a few more zzzs. I see the clock at 8am and think "Laundry will still be there in 30 min!" And then its 10 and I'm dragging my feet to find an activity to occupy the kids. So keeping my house clean, decluttered, and organized is too overwhelming at times.
BUT... I am about to have FOUR children! I'm about to homeschool a 1st grader, a kindergartener, entertain a 2 year old and keep a newborn alive! I NEED that organization, routine, and plan!
So, for a week now, I've done it. I have a daily routine, a weekly plan, and a clean house! I've shared my routine before with a few, but lately (like the last 8.5 months) I've been a hypocrit. I am a lot of talk (and wishful, and WANTed a clean house) but inside my house was constanlty in disaray. I was mortified when people dropped by. When neighbors saw inside while we stood outside to talk. I was embarassed if my in-laws dropped by from church and saw what a complete slob I was. But now! This week, at least, I have it all together! I've worked hard, my husband is working hard, and the family is learning the new way of life!
And of course, as I wake and go to bed to a clean house, no one seems to drop by anymore... So drop by, I dare you!

And for those of you who want to see what this schedule is... (yes, I am bragging, but if you felt as accomplished as I do, you'd brag too!)
First rule: Go to bed to a clean house! That means you wake up to a clean house!
When I wake up I tell Dave to take a load of laundry down. I'd like to say, I ask him, but in reality, I tell him. Maybe when I can carry a basket safely down the stairs (and I don't have a huge belly) I will do this, for now the first thing I say to my husband is which basket to carry down for me.
Then I go down and start a load of laundry, and in reality restart the dryer from the load I forgot the night before... we're still getting there.
Then (if I don't sit down to blog first) I unload our dishwasher that we ran after dinner last night. This makes it easy to clean up after our meals throughout the day. Seems simple, but I was piling dishes in the sink a LOT before... so silly!
And I clean up after breakfast. By now the kids have already strewn toys all over the living room... but drop by anyway, I DO have 3 kids, and I have to be realistic.
At 10, I announce that we are going to do a quick clean sweep. The kids pick up their toys, pick up their rooms, and grab themselves a snack (its just goes well together!). I go down and switch the laundry around and pick one small chore to takle (See weekly plan).
At lunch time, the kids eat while I check the laundry again (this is HUGE for me, I have really been sucking in the laundry field lately!!) and begin folding a basket (and hopefully putting it away!). I like to eat when the kids go to bed, so I do this while they are eating. And I takle one more small chore from the weekly plan.
They go to rest time, I clean up their lunch and plop on the couch for my lunch and nap... hey, I get to have a daily nap while I'm pregnant... and for sometime after baby is born! hehe.
3:30 we pick up again, this usually only takes 5-10 min because we've already picked up once, AND we are all learning to pick up as we go (the kids learn by mom hovering over them and saying "Are you done with that? PUT IT AWAY!!!"). I run the vacuum and sweeper on the hardwood, wipe down the counter tops and while I'm at it, I may start the dinner prep. I am trying to have this be a "noise and toys" (phrase I learned from my sister) in the bedroom time. So that no toys make their way back into the living room, and I can actually hear about my husband's day without straining!
My goal is to have a clean house when Dave comes home. Then whatever messes are made after that point are 50% his fault! :)
Then we make sure to clean up after dinner, load and start the dishwasher, and wipe down the counters.
Once the kids go to bed, we look over the 2 front rooms, pick up where needed, and we are free to sit and enjoy our time together. I then usually only have ONE basket of clothing to fold, and Dave helps me put it away. (I put that last part in faith... Dave WILL help me put it away!).
It seems simple, and once we got it down, it WAS easy... but getting there was harder than I thought! And we have some problem areas that need to be squeezed in, but it keeps me from feeling like I am cleaning all day every day only to be embarrassed when a friend comes down for a cup of sugar!

**I do weekly chores throughout the week...
Monday: bedding, load of kid laundry, bathrooms
Tuesday: Mop, 2 loads of laundry, dust
Wednesday: straighten Master bedroom, 2 loads of laundry
Thursday: Bathrooms (including tub)
Friday: Declutter, finish any undone laundry
Saturday & Sunday: keep up with daily chores
And I have one weekly project... like cleaning the computer desk, organizing the school stuff, straightening closets, and eventually maybe I will just LIVE in a state of organization and won't need my lists... although I do love my lists!

Only 10 more weeks!!!

I'm pregnant. I'm HUGELY pregnant... and I'm okay with that! I actually love it again.
When I was pregnant the first time, it was so easy. I loved watching my belly grow... and grow... and grow. I loved the attention that drew, and the waddle I aquired.
When I was pregnant the second time, I was busy. I barely recognized I was pregnant, until one day I realized how HUGE my belly was, and the comments began. We moved to Wisconsin 3 weeks before my due date and I could hear my sister in law in the other room on the phone say "She's SO HUGE" and I actually smiled with pride.
When I was pregnant with the third child, I HATED IT! I was so scared the entire pregnancy. I was uncomfortable, and when people made comments about how huge my belly was I was just NOT in the mood.
Now that I am pregnant with our fourth child, I am in that maternal bliss again. I'm not sure if its because its my last child, last pregnancy (or so I feel God and I have an agreement its the last), or if its because I started off being pregnant with my first little boy, and now I am pregnant with my last little boy. I'm not sure if I feel so great because I see my three other kids so excited to see this big ole belly, and to meet their new brother! Or maybe the fact that I feel SO GREAT is the reason I love being pregnant this time! Whatever the reason, I feel so blessed.
He moves constantly. I am not sure if he never sleeps, or if he is just a mover while he sleeps, but he started making his presence known early and constant! And I love every part of it! I will miss entire shows while I watch my belly make waves.
I am down to 2 pair of pants that fit. My belly is bigger than ever. I carry low so I get comments like "WOW, you've dropped, your ready to pop at any moment" And that was at 5mo. I get looks when I waddle across the baseball grandstands to take pictures of Zech's baseball game. Looks of sympathy, looks of "She looks miserable", looks of complete shock when they find out I have 10 more weeks to go. (and technically, I have 12 weeks, but we should be having him 2 weeks early). But I love it. This is what my body does. I have big babies, I have a tilted uterus that pokes out early and large, and I never gain more than 20lbs. I love the total transformation my body goes through. Its a constant reminder of how AMAZING God is.
I have NO energy... but that may not be a pregnancy thing as much as a "mom of an active 18mo old" thing... either way, I get tired, hot, and irritated quickly... but God is showing me how to use the fruits of the spirit in the midst of trying circumstances. So in some ways I love this stage I am going through. I am learning. But its still really hot!
I can not roll over in bed without sitting completely up... or getting on all fours and crawling into a new position. But I smile and laugh at how funny I must look. I am just loving being pregnant. When I can't sleep, I imagine how this baby will look. How will I feel when they put my last baby on my chest to hold for the first time? I invision myself nursing with ease (wishful thinking, perhaps), caressing his hair (again, wishful thinking that he'll have hair!), and keeping him all to myself (or from the harm his siblings could cause) and I cherish this time of having him all to myself safe and protected inside.
I love this pregnancy. I love this baby!
And I love that from this point on, my family will be complete. We will get to raise them and watch them grow into what God has for them. And as much as I love it, I am looking forward to never being pregnant again (remember, God, we had this agreement!).
But for now... for this moment. I am loving this huge huge HUGE belly, however low it gets (I mean, come on I can't even sit with my legs closed anymore!). I am enjoying the kids' enthusiasm, and the alien type movements my belly is experiencing... I love being pregnant... for the last time.