We have always "planned" our kids. And by "planned" I mean, we prayed about starting a family, or adding to it and we stopped preventing pregnancies, figured out fertile times and purposely "did married things" to produce a baby. The first time took a little longer than expected, but after that when we felt it was time to add to our family we asked God, and "tried" and was pregnant fairly easily...Except this last time.
I'm a planner. When we got married we thought we'd have 2-4 kids (I always, ALWAYS thought 4) and we definately knew we'd have a Zechariah, a Lily, and a Nathanael. I thought the last one would be the surprise and we'd come up with her name at some point... but in my heart, I felt a place for these 4 children.
So when Zech came, I had no doubt he was my Zech. I even had a personality that I felt fit him. We were SO thrilled to welcome our first son. In my head, I figured the boys would be first. But as soon as I took the pregnancy test with my 2nd child, I told Dave, THIS ONE IS A GIRL! By the 3rd, we thought we'd be done and that that would mean that baby HAD to be Nate. When we saw that she was a girl, I was thrilled. It never crossed my mind that we didn't have a nate. We had a Ruby and she was perfect. But instantly I had a longing for another child. I told Dave in the hospital, about 12 hours after having Ruby that I wanted one more. He laughed blamed hormones and said we'd talk about it later.
About 6months ago (give or take a few weeks), I heard a sermon and a story within the sermon was about a woman who became pregnant again after she thought she was done. She was thrilled, but considered it an "interruption". She went on to explain how her husband figured it would happen since he always saw himself with 3 boys... The story really had NOTHING to do with the main point of the sermon, but it caused such a reaction in me I had to leave the room. I bowed before God and asked what he was telling me.
I came home that day, went to my loving husband and said "I think God has a Nate for our family. I know it sounds crazy and VERY specific, but Nate belongs in our family, I know I am not done with our family yet." My husband, who was pretty close to being done, no matter what I said, didn't even hesitate and said "yea, okay." Shocked by his quick response, I said to him "What if I am wrong, and we try to have a baby and its a girl. We can't just keep having kids. How do I reconcile what I feel God is saying with the fact that this COULD mean we have one more girl, not a Nate at all?" And my godly man said back to me, "We leave it to God."
We were not going to prevent a pregnancy, but we weren't going to go crazy plotting temperatures, or cycle dates, or any other odd methods we had heard of. And within 6weeks I was pregnant (OF COURSE!)
My godly man of faith would not even consider girl names he was so convinced it was a boy. I really felt like it was, but had to keep in mind that there is a 50% chance of anything I said being wrong! But I knew what I felt God was saying to me.
This morning I prayed... "Help me reconcile the desire, and the longing for this Nate, if this is a girl with still deciding we are done having kids."
We go in today to see what we are having... and wouldn't God's faithfulness be well... faithful... its a boy! Nathanael Paul will join our family!
Not only have I married the man of my dreams, gone into full time minstry as I felt God calling, got to be a stay at home mom, who homeschools because God called me to do so... but he gives me the 4 children I wanted, blesses me with all the children we thought we'd ever had, and now, he gives me my Nate. God has blessed me with my fairy tale life... I'm not the most perfect person in the world... FAR FROM IT! But God blesses me over and over and over and over!
I would have been perfectly fine with a little Eva Rose, but when God speaks, and we leave it to him to do his thing, the blessings abound. I just amazed at how I feel like he continues to bless even when I am less than faithful, more than a sinner, and a weary child of God. I can't explain it... I just have to say GOD IS SO GOOD!
