I'm not always sure why God calls people to certain tasks, occupations, or seasons in life. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I was called to be a mommy. I felt it early in life. I wanted to just be a wife and mom. When Dave and I got married it was one of the main things we focused on. Living so that I could some day follow this calling and be a stay at home mom. We've made it a priority, sacrificed the "added" things, done without what others would think are "must haves" and we've made it work... because God has helped equip me for this calling.
In the last few years God has added to this calling and I felt very strongly that He wanted me to homeschool. I have my reasons for believing this, and that is for another blog entry. Just know that I feel the decision to homeschool my kids came out of much prayer... many sleepless nights of prayer, and an answered prayer.
I feel called. Some are called to be doctors, some are called to be pastors, some are called to be counsellors... I was called to be a homeschooler.
That being said, there are days, like today, that I stop and ask God, "Are you sure? I'm not being very patient... I'm not teaching the way they understand. I'm not organized today... wouldn't they be better off in the school up the street, I can walk them there RIGHT NOW!"
Because we are currently struggling (with TWO in school, teaching and giving proper attention to each one of their needs, excelling where need be, slowing down in other areas... PLUS having Ruby run wild unsupervised... maybe struggling isn't the word!). I decided I needed more time. I can't wake up after the kids, take my time with breakfast, drag my feet cleaning up, and eventually start school. I need more "God" time. So I've been getting up earlier. Even if its 15min before the kids. I need to talk to God.
So this morning, with a clean, all sleeping house, I rise. I spend 45 min in Bible study and prayer. I pray over each member asleep in my home. I covered the school day, the routine, the lessons... I was good to go!
Then school started. Ruby got into her highchair and played with beans. She poured from one container to another, had spoons to dish beans out... ate one or two (yuck, they aren't cooked!) and had her snack in her chair. I got all of Math, and language arts out of the way. It was the perfect example of the perfect homeschool situation.
Ruby got down, Lily transitioned to activity time, and Zech moved on to Science. Then I am pretty sure God stripped the calling to homeschool away... What? You don't believe me? There's no way after what happened within the next hour, that God was still calling ME to homeschool. Zech whined about every single little word he had to read or write. He answered "I don't know" to every question, even when I threw in "What is your name?" I grew more impatient with every whine and stomp of the foot.
Ruby was too quiet so I go check on her to find her with the toilet bowl brush (get ready to gag...) IN HER MOUTH! She had obviously been cleaning the toilets, the floor was wet, she was wet, and well... I was GAGGING! I hand sanitized her entire body! Punished her, cleaned the floors, scrubbed her mouth, and tried to go on to art.
Lily didn't want to clean up activities, but wanted to do art. I told her to make a decision (art isn't worth the fight for me... she was doing other educational things, but the mess needs to be contained... one project at a time!) She threw such a massive fit I had to send her to her room. Where I started Art with Zech. He listened to the lesson, but again answered every question with "I don't know". Growing even MORE impatient, I let my frustrations show... a tad too much! I stopped teaching and told him his assignment. To which both Zech and the now recovered Lily proceeded to pretend to listen only to do their own thing when they got their papers.
After a quick reprimand, and lecture of listening and obeying, following the directions. I went back to the unfinished science. Lily moved on to silent reading... and you probably would never guess that Ruby went BACK to cleaning the toilet AGAIN. This time dragging the brush (that I put up on the counter, in the bathroom where I SHUT The door before) all around the house... with toilet water dripping from it! (praise God that I cleaned that toilet late last night... not that it means its completely sanitary, but its better than a couple days worth of... well you know!) Between that, and Zech's complaint of every word he had to write, read, or think... I was done. I don't want to homeschool. Its not working for us! I'm frustrated. The house is destroyed, the kids are unhappy...
God, WHY did you call me to this life? I suck royally at it!
But you know that in all things I work for the good of those who love me, who have been called according to MY purpose.
Yeah, but, God... do you see the mess I'm making here. Are they learning when there is so much crying, and interruptions, and from a teacher who is about to scream? I'm not good enough for them.
be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
The days may not go perfect, but this is my calling. I'm not perfect, the one who called me is. I press on to win the prize. This prize may not be given anytime soon (although getting things more "together" would be nice before Nate arrives!). But my blessings come from listening and obeying God's word. He's called me, I will obey. So the homeschool journey continues. I do love it so! Just when I feel I'm going to sink, God throws out His lifeline... no, let me rephrase that... Just when I feel I'm going to sink, God points out the lifeline he's already given me when he called me! I just need to not look down, keep pressing on.
Today's reminder came when I cuddled up with Ruby (who got in so much trouble today for being a 20 month old unsupervised) to read her a story I just happened to grab from the messy bookshelf...
Let me quote an entire book... Not sure if its legal, but I just must... Hermie, A common Caterpillar by Max Lucado
Hermie was a common caterpillar. He didn't have stripes, and he didn't have spots. He ate common leaves and squirmed through common grass. Hermie was just a common caterpillar.
But Hermie did one thing that was not common. He talked to God. Hermie and his friend, Wormie would ask God, "Why did you make us so common?"
God would answer, "I love you, Hermie and Wormie. But I'm not finished with you yet. I'm giving you a heart like Mine." So they felt better, until they met an ant carrying a big pine cone.
"WOW!" Wormie said. "How do you carry such a heavy load?" "God made me strong," replied the ant.
Hermie and Wormie felt sad. They asked God, "Why can't we be strong like the ant?"
God's answer was kind. "I love you just the way you are. But I'm not finished with you yet."
So they felt better, until one rainy day when they saw a snail.
"You need a house like I have," The snail said. "Its dry in here."
Hermie and Wormie wondered why God hadn't given them a cozy house like the snail's. God reminded them, "Be patient, Hermie and Wormie. I am not finished with you yet."
That made Hermie and Wormie feel much better... until they saw the ladybug.
"You have such pretty spots!" Said Hermie.
"Beautiful!" Wormie agreed.
"You are very kind," the shy ladybug replied. "But this is the way God made me."
That night Hermie prayed. "we're sorry, God, but we don't understand why you made us so..."
"Common?" God said, "Don't worry. I 'm not finished with you yet. I'm giving you a heart like Mine."
Hermie turned to his friend and yawned. "I'm feeling very, very sleepy."
"Then let's make you a soft, comfy bed," Wormie suggested.
As Hermie drifted off to sleep in his soft bed, he thought about what God had said, and he prayed: "You know, god, its okay that I'm a common caterpillar. You love me, and that makes me special."
That night Hermie had a funny dream. He dreamed he was special like the ant, the snail, and the ladybug.
When Hermie woke up, it was dark. he was covered from head to toe. What had happened to his bed? As he squirmed to get out it began to fall and crack open. But-- wait-- he felt a tickle on his back...
Suddenly, soft wings fluttered open! With hardly any effort, Hermie began to fly. Up and Up, higher and higher, he soared over the trees.
As Hermie flapped his new wings, he began to understand what God had been telling him. He wasn't like the ant... or the snail... or the ladybug. He was Hermie-- a beautiful butterfly with a beautiful heart.
Hermie had to tell Wormie the good news.
"Look, Wormie!" Hermie called out.
"WOW! Is that really you, Hermie?"
"Yes, its me! God wasn't finished with me, Wormie. And he is not finished with you, either!"
Wormie's smile grew bigger and bigger. Now he understood, too.
You can get this book at www.hermieandfriends.com
He's not finished with me yet! My kids will learn. I will will get it all together... someday! And through it all, not only do I get the benefits of watching my kids survice this journey, but I get a heart like HIS! Let it be, Lord, Let it be!
